yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
