There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
