no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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