Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
