this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
