Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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