K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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