The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
