god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
