I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
tell me about the fingering
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
