Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's great music for shaving your balls
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My vagina is officially offended.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
