We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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