I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
