In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
