you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
