you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
