i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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