Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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