Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
