My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
