I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
