Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you win again, gameday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize