would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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