I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
