babies were throwing up all over the place
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
