I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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