he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
