I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
