This girl is more easily done than said...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
