You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
