If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
