corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
