someone get that fucking seahorse.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
