Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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