i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
