OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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