Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
