to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
