Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
