I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
