I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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