weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
