either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
