I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
