rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize