I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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