thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize