Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
