She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
