So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
