No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
