Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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