at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
