if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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