i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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