woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
