All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize