Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
