I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
