brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
