Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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