Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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