forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Never underestimate the power of titties
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