We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
