my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
