Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
