how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i came on her dog
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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