seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
