DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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