walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize