I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
