My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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