Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
