I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize