I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
