Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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