if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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