Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
